Title: Broken vow
Pairings: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Sungmin, Yesung/Ryeowook
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: When things do not go the way you had seen them. When everything you’ve dreamt about suddenly crashes. When the world then turned its back from you. When your promises can be kept no more. Would you run away and leave?
Three kids were woken up at the middle of the night assobs continued racking the small room. One was starting to whine, the other staring in shock while the other was obviously pissed. Their gazes were locked up to a shadow at the corner; it was evident in their faces that the commotion was not at all new. The one boy that was crying on his own corner was curled up into a ball as he held on to his blanket for his dear life. His sobs were echoing inside the room as two grown up men entered.
Hyukjae immediately ran to the three oblivious kids and hushed them to sleep. He threw words of comfort to them and appeased them that everything is okay, just another normal tantrum. He eyed his co-teacher and nodded meaningfully at him, the other immediately getting the message.
“Masaki…” Sungmin called quietly as the kid tightened his hold onto his blanket. “Masaki, come on, please. Talk to me.” He walked close to the young boy and scooped up his small form from the bed. Masaki wiggled out of his hold but Sungmin tightened the loop of his arms as he carried the still crying boy outside the room.
The journey to his room was no easy task as he tried to hush the flailing kid on his arms. He cannot afford to wake the whole household with the kid’s tantrums. As soon as he had reached his small room, he shut the door and placed the kid down. By the time he was freed, Masaki ran onto the corner of the mattress and curled himself up.
It was too depressing, for a seven year old, to cry his heart out, the disappointment, the fear and utter sadness, was too evident with every sob. His world was falling apart once again, like the day his mother left him. Sungmin could feel his muscles shake out of sheer sorrow and frustration. He let another person down.
"Masaki..." he called quietly, approaching the crying boy. "Masaki, please."
"Go away!" His voice was grimmer than his sobs, it was full of pain, fear and anger. "Go away... leave me... leave me."
Sungmin dreaded this. The day when the only person who believes in him suddenly turns his back, throwing him away. Ever since he had left Kyuhyun, he knew that no one, no one would care for him, no one would believe in him because he destroyed every faith people had for him. But when Masaki came into his life, he suddenly felt needed again, loved despite the kid's awkwardness... and he just have to mess things up once again.
"Mommy..." Masaki's voice echoed. "Mommy...."
"Masaki, please." he begged. "I'm here. I won't leave you."
There was no response, only harder cries. Sungmin's heart broke once more; the shattered pieces that were broken when Kyuhyun was diagnosed ill had been crushed further… destroying him even more. Sungmin did not know how broken he was, not until Masaki threw him away, when the kid turned his back onto him. Kyuhyun must've done the same, Kyuhyun must've hate him now. He was worthless, he was heartless.
It was the coldest spring Sungmin had felt. It was the second time he felt so alone, so worthless as he curled beside Masaki who had finally dozed off after too much tears. He hugged his knees thinking of ways on how to compensate for his doings.
He curled his form closer to the kid and cried onto his small shoulders. Sungmin could only mutter a soft “sorry” as he too finally dozed off, into once again a nightmare-filled sleep. They were back, the voices and cries haunted him one again, calling him to come back, calling him heartless and weak… and it was there… Kyuhyun’s voice.
His muscles were sore when he woke up. He sat up immediately as he realized that the boy beside him was gone. Scanning the room, he found Masaki seated at the farthest corner, his small blanket hovered onto his head while he hugged his knees tightly.
“Why are you still here?” His small voice asked him, shaking in both anger and fear. Sungmin shivered upon the coldness.
“Masaki, please listen to me.” He spoke quietly approaching the boy. “Masaki, what you heard last night… they, they have nothing to do with you. I… I won’t leave you.”
Lies. Sungmin knew what he were saying were lies. One day, he has to leave the school, leave the children and leave Masaki. He couldn’t be forever with them, but just as of the moment, these lies were better than the truth. Masaki is hurting enough, too young to be hurting this way.
The young boy glared at him, studying his face in a death glare not suited for a kid like him. The boy, when smiling, could lift up any broken heart, but when he is not, it was petrifying.
“You left someone.” The boy spoke, he was composed this time around, his matured-image returning little by little. “You left someone just like my mommy. You left another Masaki crying.”
“Obaa-chan told me I should not pout, I should not cry and be angry because I’ll be spreading sadness around, and one sad Masaki is already bad, what more if there are other sad Masaki’s.”
Sungmin heard the soft sobs in between the words and he couldn’t help but drown in guilt. The words coming from the seven year old were unbelievable, too much for his age, and yet, wrapped up in nothing but a whole mound of truth. The truth always hurts, it could even kill, and it was killing him.
I hate you…” he said, the words too surreal in Sungmin’s ears, they were drawing blood in his chest. He had never seen Masaki too heart-wrenched; he had never seen the boy too hopeless.
“Masaki, please.” He forced his words out, trying his best not to tear up, despite the obvious shaking of his throat. “Try to understand, it was not like you. It was different…”
Was it different? How so? Kyuhyun was as helpless as the kid, he might be older but he was in the very situation, weak and alone. How could he make the boy understand? How could he make Masaki believe in him if he could only tell him lies?
He tried to calm down, making his voice sound convincing. Maybe this time he could tell him, tell Masaki of the truth.
“Min, I’m scared.” He murmured onto the smaller man’s neck. It was a beautiful and peaceful night, a couple of nights away from the day he was hospitalized. He might have epilepsy, Jongwoon had told him, but the doctors forced him to take tests for his nerve cells. Despite his hesitance and fear, he did, so as to appease himself, and most especially Sungmin.
“Kyu, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Sungmin whispered to him as his arms snaked through Kyuhyun’s waist. “You don’t have to worry too much.”
“What if it’s something severe? Or terminal? What if I have…”
“Ssh…” The older hushed him and pressed his soft lips onto his. It was magically beautiful, on how Sungmin could make him forget his worries, on how a simple kiss could assure him. “Don’t think too much. You’re okay.”
“I want to cook for you.” He said almost randomly.
“You could… tomorrow.”
“The last time I prepared a meal for you the kitchen end up in hell. I want to make a good dish for you,”
They giggled together as they reminisced the hilarious moment. Their apartment almost caught fire, only because Kyuhyun couldn’t set up the oven in the proper temperature and he got too absorbed in reading the cookbook, he forgot the meat inside. It was one of those moments they would hold dear… imperfect, yet special.
He tightened his hold onto his husband and smiled to their kiss. “Min, I love you.”
“I love you too, you know I do.” Sungmin cupped his cheeks and pecked his nose. “Now, get on what you’re doing. I hate waiting.”
He smirked and kissed him fully pushing their almost-naked forms to their bed.
They lied on bed together, the last night he had shared intimately with Sungmin. They both didn’t know it that time that it would be their last, the last time they get to make each other feel their love. He never regretted it though, inside him, even when Sungmin had left him, at least he was able to make him feel that his love for him would never falter.
“Kyuhyun and I are married. We were happy until… until he was diagnosed with a disease.” Sungmin closed his eyes as he remembered Kyuhyun’s flailing form, without control of his own muscles. He sat beside Masaki who was not responding, the boy was staring into nothingness. “It was something that would last a lifetime…he… wouldn’t get healed.”
“I… I was scared, so I ran away. I was scared and weak and I don’t want to see him suffering. It…” The boy remained motionless, almost uncaring. He was unsure if the kid understood him, but nevertheless, he needed to tell him, at least partly. “It was so difficult for me. I don’t know how to make it stop, and he couldn’t either. One moment he would be fine and then the next I would be crying, watching him as he suffer his disease. I… I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Sungmin could remember every detail of Kyuhyun, almost helpless, with the tremors of his muscles no one could stop. Sungmin was not like their friends, Jongwoon and Ryeowook. He is not used to medical treatments, to sickness and the like. He was a teacher, a happy-go-lucky pre-school teacher. He was too different from the pack. And seeing Kyuhyun suffer and the thought of him being like that for the rest of his life scare him. It scared him. It made him think that it was not the life he planned, it was not how things should go. And so… he escaped, walked away from reality in the hope of alleviating his life, in forgetting things and live normally. Too bad he was wrong, oh so wrong.
Masaki stood up quietly and pulled his blanket. He walked towards Sungmin who was clutching his own knees. The kid towered him.
“I am not sick…” he spoke quietly. “I am not sick but my Mommy left me. She loves me, she took care of me. I don’t remember much but we were happy.” The earlier glare that painted his face was replaced by a pout. His eyes glistened in sadness, not much of the anger which appeased Sungmin. “One day we went out, I thought it was just another day out for us but… but when I woke up I’m here. I’m just… here.”
Sungmin watched the tears flow down Masaki’s cheeks. He was not sobbing, his eyes were directed on the wooden floor. It seemed he was unaware of the tears as he curled his tiny fists.
“She never returned.” He told him. “Obaa-chan told me to stop waiting because she won’t be back. I was not sick, I am okay but my mommy left me and… it made me so sad. I am so sad, Min-chan”
Sungmin looked at Masaki. The kid never called him that. He usually tell the other kids to call him that name, he had made that up as a form of endearment. Masaki, however never did… not until that moment.
“He must be so sad. He must be like Ma-chan too,” the kid continued not really paying attention to him, using his own nickname as well, his round eyes glued to the floor. “He must be an older Ma-chan… and many kids don’t like him because he’s sad and he’s… I don’t know the word… but he must be feeling the way Ma-chan is.”
He raised his head slowly, eyeing Sungmin as he wiped the trickling tears on his cheeks forced a smile. “He might be even sadder than Ma-chan, because he is sick, and he’s alone. I am not sick but I am sad. Maybe he is sadder than Ma-chan… Min-chan left him, just like Mommy left Ma-chan.”
It was too much, Sungmin could feel his heart break with every word. Masaki was too young but his words pierced through his heart, like a thousand daggers onto a reedy piece of wood. He cried in front of the kid as he whispered a soft “I’m sorry”. Masaki straightened his stance, his blue blanket around his tiny shoulders.
“I am not angry at my mommy anymore. It’s bad to be angry. I just want to see her again.” he told him. “If she would return to Ma-chan then Ma-chan would be happy. I am starting to forget her face. I miss her so much… I hope my Mommy misses me too.”
Masaki went closer to him and finally, the kid collapsed onto him, his small arms wounding around his shoulders. Sungmin couldn’t help but gave in; he embraced the kid and cried onto him, wondering how a seven year old could make him feel so weak. Was he destined to meet the kid? For them to heal one another? He hadn’t done his part though, but Masaki had. He had showed Sungmin the truth, he made him realize things. He might be young but his mind wasn’t.
Sungmin tightened his hug, unsure of what to say. He couldn’t blurt out another lie, or a made-up story to the kid, Masaki had done much to him. “I love you, Masaki… Sungmin loves you.”
Sungmin was to collapse onto the kid but surprisingly, the kid pushed him away, not in a harsh way, but not comforting as well. Without another word, Masaki walked away after talking, his eyes red and swollen from too much tears. He clutched his blanket and walked silently out of Sungmin's room.
He remembered how Ryeowook pleaded him to stay, he remembered how Jongwoon shouted at him when he declared he can't take it. And he remembered him, Kyuhyun, who stayed silent the whole time, eyes glued to his own lap as Sungmin walked away. His heart clenched as something hit him, right straight onto his face, slapping him onto reality. "Kyuhyun" Kyuhyun must've felt the same heartache, the same rejection. Kyuhyun remained silent because of too much affliction… agony, inside him that because of his imperfection, a disease, the one he loves the most left him.
The immense amount of pain in Sungmin was too much, too much, coming from someone, a boy for this instance, whom he had just met a couple of weeks back. How much more for Kyuhyun? How much more for him? It must've been worse for Kyuhyun, who had Sungmin, his husband, the person he had vowed to be forever with, to leave him.
Now, Sungmin understood, and all he wanted was for the pain to stop. Does Kyuhyun wanted it to stop as well? Or was too late now?
He remained glued to where he was, not bothering to look for Masaki until he eyed a small device on the small table. Wiping his tears, he approached the object and took it into his palm. He flipped the phone, his shaking hand working on the buttons. He did not know, but somehow, Masaki wanted him to fix something. The boy compared himself to Kyuhyun and made Sungmin feel Kyuhyun… Masaki needed his mother, and he made Sungmin understand that Kyuhyun needed him as well.
He was sitting quietly in the living room, watching a children's show about a cat and a dog. The constant squeals of the characters echoed inside the empty apartment as he fiddled with his phone. He smiled from time to time, amused how silly the main character of the show was.
Being alone for a while relaxed him; it made him feel that he was not as useless as he is. Ryeowook and Yesung went out for a short Sunday date and grocery shopping. Ryeowook had insisted for Jongwoon to stay but Kyuhyun thought otherwise. Finally agreeing to his reasoning, the older had left his own phone for him to use just in case something came up. Kyuhyun was not stupid to think that something was not his attacks.
But he felt fine, he was feeling light that morning, and his muscles weren’t ticking much. They were never still, though, but they were not flailing as well. He was enjoying his day alone, watching TV, reading books and eating. He felt… normal, and it pleased him. If only he was not alone.
He was unsure of what time Yesung and Ryeowook would be returning. The couple did not emphasize how long they would be out and Kyuhyun really didn’t mind. He had stolen so much from his two friends, and had cut off most of their quality time together. Kyuhyun had even thought of moving, since his meds were working enough, and he’s in constant treatment, plus the medical insurance he has, he might survive alone. However, if he did that, Ryeowook and Yesung would forever haunt him more that Parkinson’s disease would. He did know why or how but the two had taken care of him, without second thoughts, without asking for anything in return, just him being well.
He had good friends, friends who stayed with him more than his own family did.
He smiled and fiddled with the phone in his hand, flipping it occasionally and looking at Ryeowook’s giraffe wallpaper.
It was at that moment that the phone chose to buzz and Kyuhyun almost lose hold of it. Gripping it a little tighter, he stared at the home screen which displays a new message. The words “unregistered number” flashed through the small screen and he contemplated whether to read it or not. It might be Ryeowook’s contact from work. Kyuhyun wasn’t able to stop himself though, when his finger chose to click that read button. It wasn’t his disease, it was his own will.
He felt his heart jump as the phone dropped on the carpeted floor. His mind was screaming for him to calm down but there was already an evident rampage his chest. It was not good, whatever he was feeling was not good. He walked to his room, as he felt his arms flail on their own. He took one step at a time, calming his nerves the best possible way.
“Relax, Kyuhyun.” He told himself as he finally sat on his bed. “It must be a different person, someone with the same name.” He curled onto his bed as he felt his jaw lock up.
Closing his eyes, he forced himself to sleep as he swallowed a pill to put his senses down. A drop of liquid stained his baby blue pillow and soon enough, it was soaked up in his own tears. As Kyuhyun allowed the medicine to kick in and his consciousness finally taken away, the message from Ryeowook’s phone continued to flash onto his head.
Ryeowook? It’s me… Sungmin
A/N: Hello! I hope you still remember this. I've been busy AND lazy the past days and so I failed to update, plus my hard drive gave up on me, so... T_T This chapter is too angsty, and we get to see Masaki's feelings towards his mother. I hope you guys like this despite being so sad and late. Sorry if it's not that good.... O_O And hey, there's a slight progress? hihi.. Share? ^^
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